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From "We" to "I" in our Twin Existence

jn-haas

In our childhood, we were always addressed as “you both” or “you all.” “Do you want something to drink?” or “How are you?” The focus was never on one twin individually. This led us to respond in the plural form as well: “We are not thirsty!” or “We are doing fine!” The consequences of this habit in later life remain unnoticed by most people around us.

When twins are always addressed as a unit, they start thinking and acting as one. As a result, life decisions and plans are made for two, rather than for one. But does this mean that twins are denied the chance, from the very beginning, to see themselves as individuals and to feel and express themselves in the first person? Here, we share how this dynamic shaped our lives and how we transitioned from “we” to “I.”

As I, Jennyfer, write this article, I write it in the plural form, telling our story. As long as I stay aware of this and consciously maintain my sense of self as an individual, I won’t get lost in the “we” construct.



Twins vs. their Siblings

Can I speak in the first person when my twin sister is present? I recall past conversations where I would always refer to “OUR parents” or “OUR siblings.” It felt odd to say “my parents” or “my siblings” while my twin sister Jessyca was standing next to me. After all, they are her parents and siblings too, aren’t they?

But when our other siblings referred to “My parents,” it was perfectly normal. How does that make sense? The truth is, it doesn’t. The difference lies in how they were always seen as individuals, while we—and many other twins—grew up as a twin unit.


The Fear of feeling Lonely within the Twins Existens

The more I spoke in the plural, the further I drifted from my own sense of self. And whenever my twin sister spoke in the first person, I felt excluded, rejected, or unwanted—and vice versa.

This may sound extreme, but what was happening? Pure fear. Fear, which is meant to protect us from real dangers, like being hit by a car or attacked by a bear, was instead trying to shield us from loneliness.

The fear of being alone was overwhelming. Alone, I wouldn’t know what to do. Alone, I wouldn’t know who I am. Alone, life felt meaningless. Alone, everything seemed harder. Alone, I felt like only half of a person.

But did this fear truly have a reason to exist in this form? For years, it dominated our lives, convincing us that survival was only possible as a twin unit. And all because of one harmless word: WE.


Reprogramming the Twin Unit

The first step was recognizing this feeling whenever one of us spoke in the first person while the other was present. Then, we learned to embrace that uncomfortable feeling with compassion and transform it into empowerment.

Affirmations, new habits that strengthened our individual selves, and open communication between us all helped. Writing, in particular, became a powerful tool for gaining clarity, shifting perspectives, and becoming more aware of our thoughts. Each of us wrote freely, beginning every sentence with “I am,” “I have,” or “I can.”

We even practiced saying these sentences in front of a mirror—no joke! I remember looking into the mirror for the first time, directly at myself, and saying these statements out loud, clearly and confidently. At first, it felt silly, but eventually, an empowering feeling emerged. My heart raced, and I felt strong. I practiced daily, reprogramming my subconscious from being part of a twin unit to being an individual.

We also encouraged those around us to change their habits. We asked to be addressed by our names, Jennyfer and Jessyca, and with “you” in the singular form. While this caused initial confusion, it was usually met with understanding and thoughtful consideration.


From "We" to "I"

Even though we share many similarities, have the same feelings about certain things, and often agree on opinions—one thing is clear: when I speak, I speak from my perspective, my experiences, and my memories. Of course, I may have shared those experiences with my twin sister, but there are always unique images, sensations, smells, feelings, and memories within me that differ in the details.

This is something every twin should acknowledge if they want to be seen as an individual. Understanding this is a foundational step in moving from “we” to “I.” It is also the beginning of feeling 100% whole and enough on one’s own.

If you want to explore how you, too, can strengthen your individuality as a twin, feel free to contact us at info@twinsessence.com.


Jennyfer & Jessyca!



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